Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Of course I have a pirate flag
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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