Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
