i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
