Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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