You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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