dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
