his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
