i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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