I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
