My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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