I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
