Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
