Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
