You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Say something about gay babies.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
