Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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