Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
