I could make wine with my vomit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
