you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You were trust falling into bushes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
