All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
