ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
