My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
