I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
