i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
