Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
