What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
