The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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