Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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