he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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