I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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