Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
