it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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