i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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