The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's get the cat blown out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
