Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
