I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
