no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
