I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
