Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
