theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
