i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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