i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
