Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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