just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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