Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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