I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
