I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
