Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
