Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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