nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
