Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
