I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
