she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
